What arehealthy boundaries in relationships?


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10 Universal Laws for Parents of Teens
By: Jeff Herring, a Marriage and Family Therapist
You can go splat if you violate the law of gravity. Violate any of these universal laws for parenting your teenager and your parenting could go splat too! Read more . . .


Resources




Boundary Issues: Using Boundary Intelligence to Get the Intimacy You Want and the Independence You Need in Life, Love, and Work

Boundaries Face to Face: How to Have that Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding

Where to Draw the Line: How to Set up Healthy Boundaries Every Day

Boundaries in Dating Topics
Online Dating Safety: Tips for Keeping Safe The best way to stay safe when using online dating services is to ensure your anonymity. There many information websites and services out that make it Read more . . .
Making A Visible Statement Many of us struggle with the problem of our own shyness. This problem often keeps us from being a part of our world. We want to Read more . . .
Is It Really Worth Trying To Understand? At times, we may find ourselves getting caught up in situations that are beyond our control. This is particularly true for relationships. Are you presently caught in a relationship that is only Read more . . .
3 Tips You Wish You Know Earlier Before You Go Into Any Type of Relationship! If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking of going into one, there are 3 very important tips you should know and questions you should ask yourself before you ever get yourself into a relationship. This could save you from a lot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a love relationship. Read more . . .

Online Dating Safety: Tips for Keeping Safe

by: Amy Cunningham

The best way to stay safe when using online dating services is to ensure your anonymity. There many information websites and services out that make it easy for internet savvy people to find you via your email, phone, or address. You can stay anonymous and protect your privacy with these ten tips to stay safe when online dating.

  1. Stay anonymous in your profile.

    When writing your online dating profile, make sure that you stay completely anonymous. You can give potential dates information about your personality, but never, ever reveal any information that gives them any indication as to where you live or how to get in touch with you.

  2. Sign up for a free email address.

    Visit Hotmail, Yahoo! Mail to sign up for a free email address. By signing up for a free email address, you ensure that you stay in control of communicating with potential online dating partners. If you ever feel uncomfortable, you can close the free account and end communications. Be sure to make sure that the email address you chose does not reveal anything personal about yourself.

  3. Keep your address private.

    Never reveal your real name, home address, or phone number until you are completely comfortable in doing so. Make sure that you communicate via email until you feel comfortable with your potential date.

  4. Get a P.O. box and/or unlisted phone number.

    You may want to sign up for a p.o. box at your local post office and/or unlist your phone number. Your safety is extremely important and signing up for these gives you added safety.

  5. Do not use sexy references.

    When selecting your email address or user name, steer clear of any 'sexy' names. You'll get noticed by using one, but generally by the wrong people.

  6. Tell the truth.

    You want to protect yourself, but be honest at the same time. Let your potential dates get to know your personality, your likes and dislikes, and your thoughts and feelings. Do not let them know your private information such as location or anything that would identify you. You may also be nervous about using a photo, but rest assured that it's ok to do so as long as you keep your other private information out of your profile.

  7. Trust your gut.

    If you feel unsure, threatened, or uncomfortable, DO NOT respond to any further communication. You know when you feel uncomfortable. If you feel that way when talking to a person at the beginning, it's not going to change and you may be putting yourself further in danger.

  8. Beware of the red flags.

    Watch out for obvious 'red flags' when talking to people that you have met through online dating. If they are acting suspicious, they probably are not who they say they are. Use common sense and you'll be safe. You can view several online dating red flags here.

  9. Use your email block list.

    If you are uncomfortable with any email or IM messages from a member of the dating services, use your block list to keep them from contacting you again in the future.

  10. Don't be afraid to report them.

    If you come across any potential dates that are lying, threatening, or mis-using the services, report them to the company.

Amy Cunningham is the editor of RomanceStuck Romantic Ideas, a romantic resource for finding love and staying in love. You can visit her website at http://RomanceStuck.com.

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Making A Visible Statement

by: Mark Webb, M.S.,L.M.F.T.

Many of us struggle with the problem of our own shyness. This problem often keeps us from being a part of our world. We want to make a visible difference but we do not do it. In addition to shyness, we struggle with fears of rejection, low self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness and being overly self conscious. All of these factors keep us from showing up in our world.

We tell ourselves that if we could just change our weak points then we could make a difference. If only we had more money, a college degree, better looks, more experience, etc..then we could let the world know about us. Maybe there are only a couple of areas which could use some changing. Regardless, we tell ourselves these things and then we justify reasons why we cannot or do not have them.

If we continue to hide, then we are sure to lose out on all the good things life as to offer. When we do not take the risk to become more involved we are denying ourselves the opportunity to grow. This leaves us feeling afraid, immature, and mistrusting. The longer we continue this pattern of avoidance the smaller our world becomes because we will eventually become comfortable with fewer and fewer situations.

So whether we are aware of it or not, we come across opportunities to grow on a daily basis. In order to make an impact we have to get started with what we have. Stop waiting for this, this and this to happen before we begin. Maybe we are already visible to some degree. If this is the case then we have to challenge ourselves to become even more visible. Only the individual knows the secret to what keeps them from letting others know them. What is it that is keeping you from letting others know you?

By making a visible statement we are telling others that we feel good about who we are and we’re not afraid to let them know us. This challenge will require courage. Courage comes from when we are afraid to do something but we do it anyway because we know it is for our own good. This new way of presenting ourselves will get easier with time. People will know us as individuals with integrity and they will respect us for it.

Just remember, we grow as individuals when we take risks to become our best selves. Feelings of great happiness will come from our efforts because we will know that we are taking control of our personal power.

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com .

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Is It Really Worth Trying To Understand?

by: Mark Webb, M.S.,L.M.F.T.

At times, we may find ourselves getting caught up in situations that are beyond our control. This is particularly true for relationships. Are you presently caught in a relationship that is only bringing you pain and heartache? Maybe it is only a struggle from time to time. Despite the frequency, what is the negative impact this is having on you? Are you giving away your self respect to have a relationship? If so, this is a high price indeed.

I’m bringing up this point because “dysfunctional relationships” is a common topic of conversation that just about every couple has experienced at one time or another. When relating the details of the relationship, they may say things like “Deep down, he’s a really sweet man” or “If you only knew the real him” or “She just needs someone who cares and finally “You just don’t understand.”

This may be true. Other people may not understand your perspective of the situation. They may only have the advice for you to simply “Get Out!” This advice usually falls on deaf ears because on some level, the people defending the dysfunctional relationship care for the other person.

Are you spending hours reading books and talking to friends in an effort to understand why your partner does the things they do? What conclusions have you reached? Do you still find yourself getting stuck?

Let me ask you another question, what are your instincts telling you to do? A lot of times we know what we “should” do but we are afraid of or don’t like the answers.

In the heat of an argument and in the initial cooling down phase, your instincts may not be at its best. Once past these emotionally charged times, your instincts will be much clearer. What are they repeatedly telling you? As a Christian, I believe this instinct is more of an inner voice of God within us. I find a great deal of comfort in this because I know I can trust in my spirituality. No matter how you look at your decision-making abilities, you need to learn how to trust and believe in yourself. Understanding is helpful and can be useful in initiating change. However, understanding does not ensure that change will occur.

Because you cannot change other people, I encourage you to focus on changing yourself. Try to get your own life in order. Strive to understand your own needs and feelings. This will be a lot easier to understand than the approach of trying to figure out someone else

Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value). Just visit his website at http://www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or http://www.therelationshipspecialist.com .

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3 Tips You Wish You Know Earlier Before You Go Into Any Type of Relationship!

By: Cucan Pemo

If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking of going into one, there are 3 very important tips you should know and questions you should ask yourself before you ever get yourself into a relationship. This could save you from a lot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a love relationship.

  1. Your lover does not owe you your happiness, peace or joy.

    Happiness is a state of mind we choose to have. All of your happiness, and all of your suffering, are created by you and they do not come from outside of you, or from others. Before you go into any type of relationship, ask yourself these questions: "Do I really, really, really know how to walk away from disappointment and fear? Will I be able to find the person that I am now even after I go into this relationship and begin a new way of life?" In short, you should not be dependent on your partner on your emotional needs. You yourself are responsible for your own feelings and creating positive experiences for both your partner and you whenever you are together.

  2. Love your partner for who they are.

    No one in this world is perfect. One day you will find your partner doing certain things or saying certain things that will hurt you, disappoint you or anger you. Before you go into any type of relationship, you have to ask yourself: "Will I be able to love my partner for who they are. If I am unhappy or angry with something they have said or done, will I be able to recognize my unhappiness or anger as against their speech, actions and behavior, and not against their persons?"

  3. Will I be able to love myself as much as I love my partner?

    If you cannot love yourself, how are you going to give love to another? This is a mistake most people make when they go into a relationship. They become over-obsessive with what they can give to their partners and what they can do for their partners. To ensure a fulfilling relationship, you have to learn to take care of your own needs as well. A true partner or lover is one who will make sure that you do not become too dependent on them. You are responsible for your own feelings and your own emotional needs too. You are a beautiful being. So, take care of yourself, love yourself, treat yourself to all the good things in life too, and do the same to your partner. Very soon you will find true love always coming your way without any effort on your part!

As always, if you are encountering problems in your relationship, try to dissolve all of your problems in love. And you'll be sure you are on your way to a peaceful and fulfilling relationship!

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